If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
