The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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