My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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