my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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