**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
