Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's always time for handjobs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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