But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
