Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
