it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
