Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
