then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
