Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
