This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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