You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
