Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
