I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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