i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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