But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was like getting head from an anaconda
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
foreskin is a definite game changer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Randomize
