So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize