so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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