so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
