i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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