I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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