need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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