I hate your face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
