the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
