There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
