so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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