Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
