I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
