Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
