so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
