Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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