and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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