Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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