but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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