I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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