I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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