I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
