all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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