I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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