Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
