No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
