i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
tell me about the fingering
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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