Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
