What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
