No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
