i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
