your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize