Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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