Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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