I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
