So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
