You're my little dorito
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
