Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
