guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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