yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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