How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
