No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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