I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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