you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
