he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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