I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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