never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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