i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
