I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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