New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
